As part of my current monthly (or bi-monthly) posts, I post articles from BUST magazine, a fun feminist GRRRL mag. Some of these articles are short stories, some girl anthems and some are literary manifests. Whatever it is, it stuck with me and I decided it needed to be shared. So, you can either scroll or by, or spend a couple minutes reading it.

Today's short story is about BAD BOYS and the ladies that fall for them. Read on.


Girlfriend, listen up: When a man says, "I'm no good at relationships. I have been alone for so long, perhaps I was meant to always be alone!" or "You'll probably come to hate me, deep down I'm a real asshole," take him at his word and run like the wind! Yes, it may be a cry for help from the depths of a lonely soul, and it never fails to awaken the nurturing I-have-enough-love-for-both-of-us nature, but SO WHAT?! Don't be a fool, you've fallen into this pit before, we all have. What woman can resist the "I walk alone. No woman can defrost the iceberg that once was my heart" bit? Well, maybe Camille Paglia, but who the hell looks to her for guidance? Nope, when your heart starts aching listening to the woes of an unloved boy, cry if you must, hold his hand, whisper that you love him. (A little-known secret: this is prime situation for the most fabulous sex.) You want to show him that he can be loved, he wants to show you that he is capable of receiving love. So dive right on in, but then. . .GET THE HELL OUT! RUN AWAY! SAVE YOURSELF! Your instinct will be to save this wretched creature, your own survival won't enter into your usually trustworthy intellect. Come on! You want to save something? Think big. Save the whales, save the rain forest, there's plenty of work out there for a compassionate heart. Why waste it?

Look, I love men. I really do. Nothing makes me more weak than a beautiful boy. That's my problem. I want to be in love, but sheesh. I don't want to work that hard at it. I'm not blaming them - the '80's brought forth the sensitive male. Suddenly it was okay for them to share their innermost thoughts, their deepest pain, their (yeecchh!) feelings. I have as many male friends as female, and both always ask the same question; "If women are looking for a nice guy, sensitive, caring, loving, etc., then why do they always go for the jerks?" I'll tell you why - because the man who will forget your birthday, storm out when you cry, and basically treat you like dirt is letting you know, straight up, that he is a pig. No mystery, no surprises, no "You have given me a great gift. You have taught me how to love. This is a gift that I finally feel confident to share. . .with someone else. Happy birthday." I have a suspicion that this whole "I had a bad childhood, I am not worthy of love" routine is really an insurance policy against relationships. When the going gets tough, he can check out with his integrity intact simply by stating, "I was completely honest with you from day one. I said you would hate me, and you do. I said I was an asshole, and I am. I gave you fair warning, and you fell in love with me anyway, stupid. This is all your fault. Happy birthday."

Still not convinced? Still whining about how much he needs you? Yes, they are vulnerable and misunderstood, all they need is a little tenderness. The same could be said for mass murderers. How would you like to be a guest on the next Oprah entitled "Women Who Love Serial Killers"? Imagine yourself squirming in your seat while a caller from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, berates you for not seeing through your mans charade of not being good enough for you. Or how about "Women Who Fall for Forest Animals" on the next (insert the name of the most debasing talk show you can think of here)? You'd die of embarrassment when your mom called in weeping about how it was her fault for taking you to see Bambi when you were four years old. It's not inconceivable. Deer are cute, they look fragile, and terrified of life. But I wouldn't get involved with one, for crying out loud.

My point is you just can't win, but that's no reason not to play. When you connect with the unloved-and you will, we are drawn to them like moths to headlights-take it for all it's worth. Listen to their songs of woe, cry your eyes out over their crummy childhoods, take it all in like a good book or fascinating film. They are sincere in their sadness, and their hunger for love creates the kind of kissing that sends your knees on a coffee break. Did I mention that the sex goes beyond swell? Trust me, it kills ya. It is romance in all its bittersweet glory, and that you should not deny yourself. But when you find yourself falling hopelessly in love. . .GET LOST! RUN!! Start looking for the swine of your dreams. They're not hard to spot. Go to a sports bar, drop your purse, and as you bend to retrieve it, if you hear, "Hey honey, while you're down there, heh, heh, heh," this is your mating call. No, he probably won't remember your birthday, but he won't be whining about his needs while you're out saving baby seals either.

My views: First off, why did I use a picture of James Dean? Because I see him as one of the original Bad Boys. The kind of boy that every young girl wants to 'reform', rip that cigarette right out of his mouth and bring home to momma.

Do I agree with rant? Hmmm. . .in a way. I think women should be honest with themselves when they come across a boy that's begging to be 'saved'. Women need to stop thinking of themselves as the rescuer and just let the boy find his own way. We are not surrogate mothers or therapists; we are lovers and we should fill that role.

I won't deny that bad boys have their appeal. I've had many male friends ask me why I am drawn to 'bad boys'. It's a hard question to answer. It may be a mix of that devil may care attitude, that rebel behavior. It's fun and exciting when you're in your teens and 20's and maybe even 30's. Will I still be attracted to bad boys in my 40's? Probably not, but I'm not 40 yet, am I? So let me have my fun with my bad boys and when I get to the age where I want to settle down, I'll look for those nice boys.

Labels: i am woman hear me rawr